Nashville 2010, Part I- A Traveler's Tale.
This show weekend started out as they all do, with Ray showing up at 8:00 am sharp to pick me up, me scrambling to get last minute things packed for the show, only to be chastised for not being ready on time. Ray:"Do you have your phone, wallet, shirts, cell phone charger, loot, etc"? (I'd forget my behind if it wasn't attached) Ray means well, but he is dogmatic in nature and an unrelenting taskmaster- it's part of his job description to get knee deep in my ass if need be. He has control issues and I think I may have mentioned this before. If so, then how is it my partner found himself shrunk to the size of a baby calf at the Nashville Guitar show? Let me explain....
As Ray and I approached the show entrance, we ran in to this lady
going in through the out door. Because of her unusual exiting habits, Ray inadvertently knocked this women to the ground. All I heard was a thud as her less- than- petite frame bounced off the hard concrete floor. Ray: "Pardon me, I didn't see you walking in". "Pardon me? she exclaimed. "Pardon you, you undignified, little hick. You crushed my hat- do you have any idea how much that hat cost"? Ray: "I'm truly sorry ma'am. I didn't see you, but that's no reason to call me a little hick.
I might be small in stature, but large in other areas and one of those areas happens to be manners. After all, I am from the South" and with that statement, dark clouds formed from the West, a cold wind cut right through us, lightning cascaded from the skies and this women started shaking. Her eyes darkened as they rolled back in her head and she started chanting, "Gloom and doom will proceed this room, make this man the size of a mushroom". As soon as she uttered those words of supernatural truth, a dark wreath of smoke encompassed my partner and poof- he was transformed. Naturally, I stepped aside to let this women of doom pass me by. I gingerly scooped up my partner (I wouldn't want some one to step on a Lilliputian) and deposited him in my shirt pocket for safe- keeping. So, if you see me at a show and you hear an Oompah Loompah hollerin' at you to see that Stack- Knob Jazz bass, it isn't me- it's my even now- shorter partner, Mini- Me....
Photo 3. I got chills, there multiplying.
This show was packed full of celebrities.
Can you believe we ran into Olivia Newton John while we where there. She hasn't gained a pound and she still looks incredible,
wouldn't you say?
Photo 4. No this isn't Clark Kent.
Some of you may recognizes this multi-platinum selling artist.
If you don't right off, check your wives album collection,
you'll surely see him there. Because, he still believes in you.
Thanks for the photo Vince.
Photo 5. All gear heads will know who this is?
Why it's Tom Murphy of course.
When asked how's business been lately, Tom replied.
"It's doing well, but a little more couldn't hurt".
Tom, we know you can't come and work for the 'Elk in a guitar related capacity, but who says you can't relic a vintage Harley Davidson for us.
Man on left: Your fame is well deserved, Spaniard. I don't think there's ever been a gladiator to match you. As for this young man, he insists you are Hector reborn. Or was it Hercules? Why doesn't the hero reveal himself and tell us all your real name? You do have a name.
Man on right: My name is Gladiator.
Photo 7. If you ever saw any of the movies in the "Faces of Death" series, you will recall that they were incredibly graphic as to their depictions of the many ways a person can die. This picture also shows another way to die: stand in front of one of the Godzillas of the acoustic guitar world and not know how much you want for your guitar. We all know the man on the left as Gary, owner of Bee- 3 Vintage but what you may not notice is that his right hand is a blur. This picture was taken the moment before the man on the right had his left ear knocked completely around the other side of his head with the dreaded and reviled "North Carolina Chicken Fried Chicken Chop". To date, we know of no one that has survived this vile and greatly feared assault, but we do know a couple of morticians that have had to ask the question, "Do you want me to put his ear back on the other side where it belongs". To the general public attending any future guitar shows, please accept this photograph as a warning and general public safety announcement: If you are ever, ever at a guitar show and a known dealer asks you "What's in the case", for the love of all things holy, DO NOT stammer something like "I dunna know" or "Duh, a guitar". Those very words may get you killed or worse even, watching the next episode of American Idol with your head turned to the left....
Photo 8. This is Shaylyn.
She is the gate keeper an heir apparent to the four amigos guitar shows. She is the one that assists (mostly men) safe passage to the outside world. (Funny, we can send a man to the moon, but we just can depress levers to open doors.)
Don't let her innocents fool you.
She slapped and beat on me all weekend, and to add insult to injury, she took pictures as proof.
She told me that she would beat the white off me. That's right…she'll make you race-less with those hands.
Folks, if you ever see her... Run, while you still can.