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.Mesa Boogie Lone Star Special

Lone Star Special
Flame Maple
Exceptionally Fine
I know, I know- you're hanging with the boys by the pool, drinking a few cool ones and checking out the local talent while being serenaded by the intro of Van Halen's "Jump," right? Then, without cause or provocation, your head space is temporarily tainted by that oh- too- familiar iPhone ringtone. The office you think? Maybe a friend? Could be, but wait- it says HOME...

HOME? Oh no! Doesn't she know your chillin' with the boys? Don't she know you're 45 going on 25 'bout right now? Certainly, she knows you're doing shots while bikini laden, wanna be starlets dance through the lenses of your aviator Ray Bans? That's when it comes to you: Oh no- this could be an emergency. Maybe, just maybe, your mind drifts to a horrible garbage disposal accident evolving a slippage and a bottle of Ice Spring Natural Water during an exhausting, online Yoga instructional session. As you hastily quiet the clinking of glasses and Poison's "Nothing But a Good Time," the oxygen is sucked completely from your "here and now" as you anxiously answer the call.

  • Her: "Hey Baby. You and Scott enjoying your day out on the course?"
  • You: "Yes, Snuggles baby, we are."
  • Her: "Well, I was thinking..."
  • You: (In your head, can't even put thoughts to words) "Yes baby cakes?"
  • Her: "Well, I was watching HDTV and I saw this armoire on there and it would look cute in our guest bedroom."
  • You: "Oh really?" (excitedly, but not really)
  • Her: "Yes and they have it down at Ethan Allen and guess what?"
  • You: (Looking for a gun to put in your mouth) "What sweetie?"
  • Her: "And it's on sale, but only today so Honey, can you wrap it up with Scott and come home?"
  • You: "But of course snookums. I'll be right there."
  • Her: "I love you!"
  • You: (stunned, but barely still lucid) "Love you too."

    As the dial tone goes silent, you turn to your boys and say, "Uh, dudes. Did I sound sober? "Did I slur any words?" and your boys go, "Why no, Snuggles, you didn't. Shall we get your cooler and purse ready for departure?" With a scowl of discontent and a few expletives, you do indeed insert key into ignition and begin that drive of shame. As you motor down the road, a familiar harmonica from a bygone- era fills the cabin of your "I wanna be an astronaut" life and the song goes:

  • But there are times that you feel you're part of the scenery,
  • All the greenery is comin' down, boy.
  • And then your wife seems to think you're part of the furniture,
  • Oh, it's peculiar. She used to be so nice.

    Don't you see it comin' down, boy? So if you're in the business of furniture shopping and you're a professional, give her something you both can enjoy. Mind you, not only is this 30 watt, flamed Maple Mesa aesthetically pleasing, it indeed is sonically satisfying as well. With it's step- down transformers going from 5 to 30 watts, you can achieve marital bliss in any given situation. Don't you see? There will be no complaints from her because she'll live for those moments of your unbelievable gratification where your tone is so amazingly right and the feel of your strings so perfectly connected to your fingers, you will become an unbridled channel of soulful musical expression.

    "Soulful musical expression" means you get your youthful swagger back. Youthful swagger equates to swinging from chandeliers. Chandelier swinging equals more pleasure for her and less time for Ethan Allen. Don't you see people? You get all this relationship advice free of charge, right here at the 'Elk. Not like I'm Dr. Phil over here, but what's the alternative? Oh, I know:

  • So, when the day comes to settle down,
  • Who's to blame if you're not around?
  • You took the long way home
  • You took the long way home...
  • Lone Star Special Lone Star Special Lone Star Special Lone Star Special Lone Star Special Lone Star Special Lone Star Special Lone Star Special Lone Star Special Lone Star Special Lone Star Special Lone Star Special