Your relationship is getting a bit long in the tooth, right? So, you being ingenious, you give your relationship a much-needed boost through lessons you learn while at the Renaissance Festival. I know, I know- you and your boys were lit on a few shots and PBRs and that's when Mike said, "Hey dudes. Let's go to the Renaissance Fest and troll for wenches and eat delicious turkey legs."
Nothing wrong with a bit of jousting and face painting, coupled with some dwarves that look like extras from Ozzy's "Diary of a Madman" tour and falconry. Whatever the f**k that is, but hey- you're really there solely for three things and those three things are as follows: The beer, a leg that's so deep fried it looks like it was deposited on Fred Flintstone's car and of course, the bosomy and yet I might add, "shelved-up" wenches.
That's when in your altered state, you hear this terminology for the first time- "L.A.R.P." That is the acronym for (hold your hats, people) "Live Action Role Play." Let me break this to you as gently as I can; This really means men who, in fact, dress up like extras from "Game of Thrones" and commence with swordplay in the parking lot.
Dude, when you're buzzed, this makes for great family entertainment. Somewhere between the falconry and the turkey legs, you spark an idea on two fronts. Yeah, that's right- it came to you like a Big Mac comes to Kelly Clarkson. You and your boys can buy instruments and go all Milli Vanilli on somebody's ass. I know- you've always loved the Scorpions, so why can't you have forks on your eyes while playing "Big City Nights?" Dude, I agree! If you wanna role play and be Rudolf Schenker, I won't judge.
I know what you're thinking- you're thinking, "How can I pull this off? How can I make it authentic?" No worries- Ray and I have you covered and this is all you need to do: Get yourself a "V" and some black leather britches, with a soiled rising-sun muscle shirt. "Lee, that's easy, but what about the accent?" Oh, okay. Look, all you have to do is watch the first "Die Hard" movie. Lookit- Hans Gruber will be the accent you need to be 100%. Practice with me in your German accent:
I like to eat meat sticks.
I ride on Panzers.
My favorite band is the Scorpions.
Shoot the glass.
Don't you see how awesome this would sound through the P.A.? By not having to master the instruments, it leaves you nothing but extra time to perfect the intricacies of the German dialect.
Don't you see? This "like-new" '59 Tribute V would be the perfect fit for your LARP-ing excursion. So since we are fully vested in the art of LARP, let's see if we can get that wench at home to play along. Here's what you do: Show her this ad as you're handing her her very own Maiden Mary outfit. Let her know the benefits of owning this axe and the profits that will surely pour in from your Scorpions Live Action Roleplaying. She will be more than willing then, 'cuz she can certainly see the benefits of the streaming cash flow from such brilliance. More cash flow means a happier and more satisfied wench. More satisfaction means more jousting for your steed. A happy steed is fine indeed, so when she brings this before you, you say:
"You're indeed a "true" friend of the Kingdom."